Social Skills ( How to Improve )
Social Skills ( Improving )
12 Ways To Improve Social Skills And Make You Sociable Anytime
: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/12-ways-improve-social-skills-and-make-you-sociable-anytime.html
Effective Communication - Improving your Social Skills: https://www.anxietybc.com/self-help/effective-communication-improving-your-social-skills
5 Ways to Build Social Skills: https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/5-ways-to-build-social-skills/
Three Methods:Enhancing
Verbal CommunicationImproving
Non-Verbal CommunicationPracticing
in the Real WorldCommunity
Q&A
Good social skills are an important part of leading a healthy,
happy and enjoyable life. Studies have proven a positive correlation between
social skills and mental health.[1] This
wikiHow will give you advice on how to improve your social skills.
10 Second Summary
· Speak
at the same volume and tone as the people you're talking to. More ↓
· Start
with small talk and then find ways to keep the chat going. ↓
· Maintain
'open body language'. Avoid apathetic body language signals, such as slouching
or crossing your arms, which indicates that you are closed to further
communication. ↓
· Practice
non-verbal communication at home in front of a mirror. ↓
· Practice
in public places where chatting with strangers is acceptable. ↓
· Reflect
on your past social interactions. Note what went well and what didn't in your
conversations.↓
Enhancing Verbal Communication
1
Be aware of the volume and tone of your voice. Don’t
speak too softly or too loudly either. Speak at a volume that can be heard
easily, and suggests confidence but never shows aggression.
· Remember
to adjust the volume of your voice to suit the surrounding environment.
· If
possible, speak at the same volume and tone as people in your immediate
environment.
2
Learn the right manner in which to initiate a
conversations. You can begin by saying something that is generally or
universally true, rather than overly personal because that might seem to be
insulting or offensive to some. Comment on the weather, or maybe some current
event you heard about in the news recently. You could compliment someone on
what they are wearing or the way they have done their hair.[2] Small
talk is not always easy though; since it can often be difficult to think of
exactly what to say. Here a few examples:
· "That's
a nice hat, where did you buy it"?
· "What's
with this crazy weather?"
· "I
just love the view from here."
· "Isn't
Professor James' class fascinating?"
3
Find ways to extend conversations. After
speaking about general issues such as current events, try bringing up more
intimate or a more relatable topic. Asking questions that delve a little deeper
below the surface. For example, asking polite questions about their family,
employment, or hobbies can lengthen a conversation and make it more meaningful.
Remember that a conversation takes two people, so avoid speaking too little or
vice versa. Try as much as possible to ask open-ended questions; in other
words, start with a "How," a "Why," or a "What,"
instead of those questions to which there can only be a plain and simple
"Yes" or "No" answer. That doesn't encourage the person
you're speaking to speak more. Here are some ways to lengthen conversations and
give them depth:
· "So,
what you do for a living?"
· "Tell
me a little more about your family?"
· "How
do you know the host of the party?"
· "How
long have you been attending / been a member of weight watchers?"
· "What
are your plans for the weekend?"
4
Steer clear of inflammatory topics. When
interacting with a person you don't know all too well, there are some subjects
you should steer clear of. In general, these would include controversial
subjects like religion, politics, or the persons ethnicity/race etc. For
instance:
· While
it appears appropriate to ask someone a question about an upcoming election, it
might be offensive to ask someone who they plan to vote for.
· While
it seems okay to ask someone about their religious affiliation generally, it
might be a bad idea to ask just about anyone about the church's views on
sexuality.
5
End conversations courteously. Instead
of abruptly cutting them off and walking away, try to be polite about it. Tell
them in a sweet, non-offensive way that that you have to take their leave, and
give them the impression that you enjoyed the interaction.[3] Try
concluding with positive statements such as:
· “I've
got to run, but I hope we meet again soon.”
· "Well,
I have a bank appointment, but it's been fun chatting with you."
· "I
can see that you're busy, so I'll let you go. It was nice talking to you."
Improving Non-Verbal
Communication
1
Pay attention to your body language. Our
gestures often communicate messages more powerfully than words.[4] Remember
that body language plays an important role in social interactions. Be wary and
take time to reflect on messages you give others through your posture, eye
contact, and facial expressions.
· If you
are avoiding eye contact, standing far away, or crossing your arms, you are
likely telling others that you don't want to interact.[5]
· Adopt a
confident pose, and smile a bit more, Make frequent eye contact with people you
are talking to; stand tall and unfold your arms. This way you are certainly
more likely to create a good impression on people you speak to.
2
Observe how other people behave in social
situations. Watch their body language closely and consider why they
are better at interacting with others socially. Observe their posture, their gestures,
their facial expressions, and how often they make eye contact. Consider how you
might replicate or improve upon your own body language while talking to people.
· Determine
'how well' the people you're observing know each each other. This is important,
because the body language shared between close friends who are talking differs
completely from that displayed by two complete strangers even in an ordinary
setting.
· Mentally
take notes about what you see and observe. This will both guide and help you to
become more aware of your own body language.
3
Improve your non-verbal communication skills
at home. Home is often the best place to start learning something
new, because you won't be as inhibited in a familiar setting. You could try
making a video of yourself in conversation with your family members, and then
consider how you can improve your body language. You could also practice
non-verbal gesturing in front of a mirror. Enlist the help of family members
you are close to, or even close friends- this is another effective approach, as
they can give you honest useful feedback that no one else would. Some other
tips include 'pulling back' your shoulders, keeping your spine straight, and
your chin up, parallel to the floor.
· One of
the best things about practicing at home is that its obviously a private and a
low-pressure environment.
· Don't
be shy! It just you and the mirror! Have fun trying out different types of body
language signs and gestures.
4
Focus on a keeping a genuine smile right from
the moment you meet a person. A smile is
universally known to be a great way to show you are open to others, and makes
people feel at ease. Just focusing on smiling when you meet people will make
things a little easier.[6]
5
Practice your eye contact. Work
on making more eye contact as you you get comfortable with it. Don't stare
people in the eye, especially if you're uncomfortable with it because that
could prove annoying. Whenever you think about eye contact, make yourself look
at someone in the eye for just about 3-5 seconds only. As this gets easier,
you'll be natural about it.
· If
you're not right next to someone, look at their ear lobe, or the spot right
between their eyes. This is faking it, but people won't be able to tell the
difference.
· If
you're nervous making eye contact, some social psychologists suggest that you
practice doing with people on TV. Put on the news and try keeping eye contact
with the anchor.[7]
6
Spend a little extra time on your self while
getting ready to go out. You'll feel more confident with the way
you look. Spending a little extra time on making sure you like the way you look
and feel confident about yourself will make all other social situations easier
to be in. Develop a hygiene routine, buy some new clothes or a pair of shoes
you liked, and dressing your best not only improve self-confidence they make
you naturally more social, too.
Practicing in the Real
World
1
Find a place where people seem easy going. Starting
a conversation with an unknown person will seem less risky and more acceptable
by everyone there. Some situations seem easier than others especially when
initiating social interaction. Supermarkets or banks are more often than not
among the worst places to initiate a conversation with a total stranger (people
just want to get their groceries and be done with it). Coffee shops, sporting
events, and community centers can be great places to start talking to great new
people.
· To meet
new people, try joining a group such as an amateur sports club or a book club.
A fitness class is often a great place to start a conversation.
2
Start small, chatting with service people that
helped you out to get started. Ask your barista
how their day is going. Thank the mailman as he passes by, or ask a co-worker
how their weekend went. You don't have to dive into deep, invasive, and
consuming conversations immediately. Start small. Remember, there is no
downside to saying 'hey' to someone. You will most likely not see them again,
and these low-key conversations are the best to practice with.[8]
3
Pick someone who doesn’t appear busy or
uninterested. Approach your subject with open body language and and
appear to be interested in getting to know them better. This often is a good
opportunity to have a meaningful conversation.
· Be
confident when approaching a person. If you are too nervous you may make the
other person nervous too!
· Remember
to put away your cell phone. Checking your phone all the time during a
conversation annoys people, and makes them think your more interested in your
phone than you are in talking to them!
4
Reflect on how it went. If
the encounter went on well, take note what you did right and do try to repeat
this in the future. If things went poorly, mentally assess the situation to
determine what exactly you did that wasn't all that impressive.
· Did you
approach someone who appeared to be busy with something or who was displaying
closed body language?
· Was
your own body language open and inviting?
· Did you
start the conversation with an appropriate topic?
5
Talk to more people. Your
social skills will improve with practice. The more you communicate and interact
with people, you will get better at it.
· Try not
to let negative social interactions get you down. Oftentimes such encounters
are not your fault.
6
Join a support group. This
is usually a safe, comfortable environment where learning to speak to people
can be easier. You are not the only one there who wants to work on their
speaking skills. Why not practice with others who are in the same boat? The
very fact that you want to improve your social skills shows that you are an
open, kind person who is willing to work on themselves. Surround yourself with
people with similar goals to help you grow.[9]
Effective Communication - Improving
your Social Skills
Building good relationships with
other people can greatly reduce stress and anxiety in your life. In fact,
improving your social support is linked to better mental health in general,
since having good friends can act as a “buffer” for feelings of anxiety and low
mood. This is especially true if you are socially anxious and desperately want to
make friends but are either too fearful to do so or are unsure about how to
reach out to others. As a result of these anxious feelings, you may even be
avoiding social situations.
Unfortunately,
one of the consequences of avoiding social situations is that you never have
the opportunity to:
· Build
up your confidence interacting with others
· Develop
strong communication skills that would increase the
chance for successful relationships
For
example, if you are afraid of going to parties or asking someone out on a date,
your lack of confidence and experience will make it even MORE difficult to know
how to handle these situations (like what to wear, what to say, etc.). Often,
people have the necessary skills but lack the confidence to use them. Either way,
practice will increase your confidence and improve your communication skills.
Why Are Communication
Skills Important?
Communication
skills are the key to developing (and keeping) friendships and to building a
strong social support network. They also help you take care of your own needs,
while being respectful of the needs of others. People aren’t born with good
communication skills; like any other skill, they are learned through trial and
error and repeated practice.
3 areas
of communication that you may want to practice are:
· Non-verbal
communication
· Conversation
skills
· Assertiveness
Note: Of course, there are many aspects to effective
communication and you may want more specific help in certain areas (e.g.
learning how to deal with conflict, presentation skills, giving feedback,
etc.). For more specific help, please see the “Recommended Readings” list at
the end of this module.
Nonverbal Communication
A large part of what we communicate to each other is nonverbal.
What you say to people with your eyes or your body language is just as powerful
as what you say with words. When you feel anxious, you might behave in ways
that are designed to avoid communicating with others. For example, you may
avoid eye contact or speak very softly. In other words, you are trying not to
communicate, likely to avoid being judged negatively by others. However, your
body language and tone of voice does communicate powerful
messages to others about your:
· Emotional
state (e.g. impatience, fear)
· Attitude
towards the listener (e.g. submissiveness, contempt)
· Knowledge
of the topic
· Honesty
(do you have a secret agenda?)
Thus,
if you are avoiding eye contact, standing far away from others, and speaking
quietly, you are likely communicating, “Stay away from me!” or “Don’t talk to
me!” Chances are, this is not the message that you want to send. Below are some
steps that can help you get started in identifying any deficits and improving
your non-verbal skills.
Step 1: Identifying your
trouble spots
To get
started, ask yourself a few questions:
· Do I
have trouble maintaining eye contact when talking with others?
· Do I
smile too much because of nervousness? Too little?
· Do I
slouch?
· Do I keep
my head down?
· Do I
speak with a timid voice?
· Do I
speak too quickly when I am anxious?
· Do I
cross my arms and legs?
Some of
the nonverbal behaviours you may want to pay attention to are:
· Posture
(e.g. head up and alert, leaning forward)
· Movement
and gestures (e.g. keeping arms uncrossed)
· Physical
distance (e.g. standing closer when talking to others)
· Eye
contact (e.g. making appropriate eye contact when talking)
· Facial
expression (e.g. smiling warmly)
· Volume
of voice (speaking at a volume easily heard)
· Tone of
voice (e.g. speaking with a confident tone)
Note: Many of the above examples are culturally related. For
example, in Western societies, it is generally accepted that frequent eye
contact while listening, and looking away slightly more often while speaking,
are appropriate.
Step 2: Experiment with
and practice non-verbal skills
· Try to
practice only 1 skill at a time, so you can make sure you have mastered it
before moving on to the next skill.
· You may
want to ask a trusted friend or relative to give you some feedback on your
non-verbal behaviour. This feedback can be very useful, as often, we do not
really know how we appear to others.
· If you
are able to, it may be useful to videotape yourself having a conversation, and
note what your body language may be communicating. Once you have identified a
couple of trouble spots, practice the appropriate body language.
· You can
also practice your new non-verbal skills in front of a mirror.
· Once
you have gained a little confidence and practice using nonverbal communication
skills at home, try it out in real interactions. It is a good idea to start
small by talking to clerks, tellers, and cashiers at stores for example. Try
increasing the amount of eye contact you make when talking with others; smile
more and pay attention to the reactions of others. For example, is the bank
teller friendlier or more chatty when you give her more eye contact and smile
more?
Conversation Skills
One of
the biggest challenges for someone with social anxiety is starting
conversations and keeping them going. It is normal to struggle a bit when you
are trying to make small talk, because it is not always easy to think of things
to say. This is especially true when feeling anxious. On the other hand, some
anxious people talk too much, which can have a negative impression on others.
Step 1: Identifying your
trouble spots
Below
are some questions that you may want to ask yourself to identify the areas you
want to work on:
· Do I
have trouble starting conversations?
· Do I
quickly run out of things to say?
· Do I
tend to say “yes”, nod and try to keep other people talking to avoid having to
talk?
· Am I
reluctant to talk about myself?
Tips for Starting a Conversation:
· Start a
conversation by saying something general and not too personal, for example talk
about the weather (“Gorgeous day, isn’t it?”); pay a compliment (“That sweater
looks great on you”); make an observation (“I noticed that you were reading a
book on sailing, do you have a boat?”); or introduce yourself (“I don’t think
we have met, I’m...”).
· You
don’t need to say anything extremely witty. It’s better to be sincere and
genuine.
· Once
you have talked for a while, especially if you have known the person for some
time, it might be appropriate to move on to more personal topics,e.g
relationships; family matters; personal feelings; spiritual beliefs; etc.
· Remember
to pay attention to your nonverbal behaviour--make eye contact and speak loudly
enough so that others can hear you.
Tips for Keeping a Conversation Going:
· Remember
that a conversation is a 2-way street – don’t talk too little, or too much. As
much as possible, try to contribute to about one-half of the conversation when
speaking 1-on-1.
· Disclose
some personal information about yourself, such as your weekend activities, your
favourite hockey team, or a hobby or interest. Personal information does not
need to be “too personal”; you can start with giving your opinion about movies
and books, or talking about things that you like doing.
· Try to
show a little vulnerability: it can even be OK to admit that you are a bit
nervous (for example, “I never know what to say to break the ice”, or “I’m
always so nervous at parties where I hardly know anyone”). However, take care –
sometimes disclosing too much too soon can put others off.
· Ask questions
about the other person but when you are first getting to know someone, take
care not to ask questions that are too personal. Appropriate questions might be
to ask about their weekend activities, their preferences, or their opinion
about something you said. For example, “How do you like that new restaurant?”
· Try to
ask open-ended questions rather than close-ended questions. A close-ended
question is one that is answered by a few words, such as yes or no, for
example, “Do you like your job?” In contrast, an open-ended question invites
much more detail; for example, “How did you get into your line of work?”
· Do I
talk too much when I’m nervous?
Remember: People generally like to talk about
themselves, especially if the other person is showing genuine interest.
Tips for Ending a Conversation:
· Remember,
all conversations end sometime – don’t feel rejected or become anxious as a
conversation nears its end. Running out of things to talk about doesn’t mean
you are a failure or that you are boring.
· Think
of a graceful way to end the conversation. For example, you can say that you
need to refill your drink, catch up with another person at a party, get back to
work, or you can promise to continue the conversation at a later time or date
(e.g. “Hope we’ll have a chance to chat again,” or “Let’s have lunch together
soon.”)
Step 2: Experiment with
and practice your conversation skills
The
next time you have an opportunity to practice starting or ending a
conversation, try breaking some of your normal patterns. For example, if you
tend not to speak about yourself, try to share your thoughts and feelings a bit
more and see what happens. Or, if you tend to wait for the other person to end
the conversation, try a graceful exit yourself first.
Below
are a few suggestions for some practice situations:
· Speak
to a stranger: e.g. at a bus stop, in an elevator or waiting in line.
· Talk to
your neighbours: e.g. about the weather or something going
on in the neighbourhood.
· Interact
with co-workers: e.g. chat with co-workers on your coffee break or in
the staffroom at lunch.
· Have
friends over for a get-together: e.g. invite a
co-worker or acquaintance over, meet someone for coffee, or throw a birthday
party for a relative. Make sure you interact with your guests.
· Try
giving a compliment: Resolve to give at least 2 compliments each
day – preferably ones that you would not normally give. But remember to always
be sincere: only pay a compliment to someone if you truly believe what you are
saying.
Hint: If you are unsure, use a video or audiotape to
practice.
While you might feel a little silly at first remember, you are just experimenting.
Have fun with it!
While you might feel a little silly at first remember, you are just experimenting.
Have fun with it!
Assertiveness
Assertive
communication is the honest expression of one’s own needs, wants and feelings,
while respecting those of the other person. When you communicate assertively,
your manner is non-threatening and non-judgmental, and you take responsibility
for your own actions.
If you are socially anxious, you may have some difficulty
expressing your thoughts and feelings openly. Assertiveness skills can be
difficult to learn, especially since being assertive can mean holding yourself
back from the way you would normally do things. For example, you may be afraid
of conflict, always go along with the crowd, and avoid offering your opinions.
As a result, you may have developed a passive communication
style. Alternatively, you may aim to control and dominate others and have
developed an aggressive communication style.
However,
an assertive communication style brings many benefits. For example, it can help
you to relate to others more genuinely, with less anxiety and resentment. It
also gives you more control over your life, and reduces feelings of
helplessness. Furthermore, it allows OTHER people the right to live their
lives.
Remember: Assertiveness is a learned skill, not a
personality trait you are born with. It is what you do, not who you
are.
Step 1: Identifying your
trouble spots
To
start, ask yourself the following questions to identify what area(s) to work
on:
· Do I
struggle to ask for what I want?
· Is it
hard to state my opinion?
· Do I
have trouble saying no?
Tips for Communicating Assertively:
· Many
people find it hard to ask for what they want, feeling that they don’t have the
right to ask, or fearing the consequences of the request. For example, you may
think, “What if he says no?” or “She would think I am rude for asking”.
· When
making a request, it can be helpful to start by saying something that shows you
understand the other person’s situation. For example, “I know you probably have
had a lot on your mind lately.”
· Next,
describe the situation and how you feel about it. For example, “This
presentation is due next Friday and I am feeling pretty overwhelmed, and
worried that I won’t be able to get it done in time.” It is important to talk
about your feelings, not to make accusations to others. For example, it is
better to say, “I feel resentful when you show up late to meet me” than it is
to say, “you are always late! You don’t care about me!”
· Then,
describe what you would like to see happen. Be as brief and positive as
possible. For example, “I’d really like to figure out how we can share more of
the work responsibilities.”
· Last, tell
the person what would happen if your request was honoured. How would you feel?
Sometimes, you may want to add what you will do in return. For example, “I
would make sure to help create the slides for your presentation next week.”
· Many
people have trouble expressing their views openly. Perhaps you wait for others
to give their opinion first, and will share yours only if you happen to agree.
Being assertive means being willing to state your opinion, even if others
haven’t done so or if your opinion is different.
· Being
assertive means that you “own” your opinion; that is, you take responsibility
for your view; for example, “My personal view is that it was unfair for her to
ask that of you.”
· Being
assertive also means being willing to consider new information, and even
changing your mind. However, it does not mean changing your mind just because
others think differently.
Tips for Saying "No"
· Saying
"No" can be difficult if you are usually more passive. However, if
you are not able to say no to others, you are not in charge of your own life.
· When
saying "No", remember to use assertive body language (e.g. standing
straight, eye contact, speaking loudly enough that the other person can hear).
· Before
you speak, decide what your position is. For example, think about how you will
say “No” to a request, such as, “I would like to help you out but I already
have quite a bit of work to get done this week.”
· Make
sure to actually wait for the question, and don’t say “Yes” before the other
person even makes the request.
· Take
care not to apologize, defend yourself or make excuses for saying
"No" when it is not necessary.
· If
saying "No" right away is too difficult, practice telling someone, “I
need to think about it” as a first step. This will help break the cycle of
always saying yes, and will give you a chance to think about what you really
want to do.
Remember: Everyone has the right to say
"No!"
Step 2: Practice your new
assertiveness skill
· First,
think of a couple of past scenarios when you avoided giving your opinion or
preference, saying "No", or asking for what you wanted. How could you
have handled the situation differently? What would be an assertive way to
communicate in those situations?
· Practice
saying your assertive statement out loud to yourself, to get used to it. For
example, “Actually, I thought the movie dragged on a bit”, “Unfortunately, I
can’t help you out next weekend”, or “I’d like the dishes done before 9
o’clock”.
· Next,
think of a situation that is coming up in the next week in which you could use
your assertiveness skills. Begin with a scenario that is easier, for example,
giving your opinion or saying "No" to more familiar people,
and then try it in more difficult situations.
· Try it
out – how did it go? Notice how the other person reacted. Would you do
something differently next time?Remember: assertiveness is like any new
skill, and requires time and practice. Don’t be too hard on yourself
if you are feeling nervous, or not getting it quite right. Reward yourself when
you do speak up!
Note: Sometimes people who are not used to us being assertive
may need some time to adjust. Just because people may not initially respond in
a positive way, doesn’t mean that being assertive is wrong – they just need to
adjust to the change!
Barriers to Behaving
Assertively - Myths about Assertiveness
· Myth
#1: Assertiveness means getting your own way all the time
This is not true. Being assertive means expressing your point of
view and communicating honestly with others. Often, you may not get “your own
way” when you are assertively giving your opinion. But telling others how you
feel and trying to work out a compromise shows respect for both yourself and
others.
· Myth
#2: Being assertive means being selfish
This is false. Just because you express your opinions and your
preferences does not mean that other people are forced to go along with you. If
you express yourself assertively (not aggressively) then you make room for
others. You can also be assertive on behalf of someone else (e.g. I would like
Susan to choose the restaurant this week).
· Myth
#3: Passivity is the way to be loved
This is false. Being passive means always agreeing with others,
always allowing them to get their own way, giving into their wishes, and making
no demands or requests of your own. Behaving this way is no guarantee that
others will like or admire you. In fact, they may perceive you as dull and feel
frustrated that they can’t really get to know you.
· Myth
#4: It’s impolite to disagree
This is not true. Although there are some situations where we
don’t give our honest opinion (e.g. most people say how beautiful a friend
looks in her wedding dress, or we only say positive things on the first day of
a new job). Much of the time, however, other people will be interested in what
you think. Think how you would feel if everyone always agreed with you.
· Myth
#5: I have to do everything I am asked to do
False. A central part of being assertive is setting and keeping
personal boundaries. This is difficult for many people. With our friends, we
may worry that they will think we are selfish and uncaring if we don’t do
everything they ask. At work, we may worry that others will think we are lazy
or inefficient if we don’t do everything we are asked. But other people cannot
possibly know how busy you are, how much you dislike a particular task, or what
other plans you have already made unless you tell them. Most people would feel
badly to learn that you had done something for them that you really didn’t have
the time for (e.g. writing a report that requires you to work all weekend) or
that you really dislike doing (e.g. helping a friend move).
5 Ways to Build Social Skills
There is a significant correlation between your social skills
and your success in any area of life. With good social skills, it’s easier to
make friends, build strong relationships and get ahead in your career.
If you lack social skills, it’s important to learn how to build
social skills. In this article, I’m going to reveal to you the 5 most effective
ways I know for building social skills, based on my experience as a social
confidence coach.
1. Practice
Developing any ability is largely a matter of practice. In order
to develop your social skills, you need to spend a lot of time interacting with
others.
By meeting new people, conversing with them and getting to know
them, you develop your intuition about people and you gradually become better
at attuning to them and building a connection with them.
You may be tempted to avoid social interactions because you
think you lack social skills, but unfortunately, this only keeps you lacking
social skills. The key to improving them is to interact with others no matter
how capable you are right now.
2. Take Risks
It’s not enough to just interact with others. It’s central to
also take risks when doing so. This means expressing your true thoughts and
feelings, and behaving in an authentic manner.
This is important because if you just stick to behaving during a
social interaction in ways that are very strict and safe, you don’t really
experiment and explore the possibilities. And this makes it harder for your
social skills to expand.
You really want to express your entire personality and notice
how others react, in order to wise up socially. If you have trouble in this
area, I advise you to learn how to
be yourself and little by little to become more expressive.
3. Ask for Feedback
It’s hard to adjust your interpersonal skills when you don’t
understand exactly how people see you and what effect certain sides of your
personality have on them. This is where feedback comes in.
Ask people you know and you trust to give you feedback. To give
you their perspective on how you come across socially, on your strengths and
your weaknesses. They can do this casually while chatting, or fill in some sort
of feedback form you can devise.
Collect a number of feedbacks and look at the information you
acquired. It will help you understand yourself, others and social interactions
better. And this is how to build social skills.
4. Interact with Socially Skilled People
One of the best ways to gain social skills is through modeling
others. You interact with people who have good social skills, you study their
mannerisms and you learn from them.
So, seek to meet individuals who are people savvy and hang out
with them a lot. You’ll notice that just by doing this, your social skills will
go up.
And if on top of this, you’ll also study them intentionally and
try on for size pieces of their conduct, these skills will go up even faster.
Socially skilled individuals are an infinite source of wisdom.
5. Work on Specific Goals
There is quite a wide array of social skills and trying to
develop them all at once doesn’t yield results. You’re spreading yourself too
thin.
A much better approach is to pick one or two specific skills at
a time and work on improving them. Only when you’ve made enough progress with
them, you can advance to other interpersonal skills.
This means you don’t want to learn merely how to build social
skills, but also ways to build the specific social skills that interest you the
most. Setting specific goals and working on them is the best way to get
results.
As your social skills build, you’ll find yourself feeling more
confident in social settings and connecting easier with others. These skills
will open up a wide range of opportunities in your life. All you have to do is
take advantage of them.
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